Isaiah 6:8 "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ' And I said 'Here am I, Send me!' "

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  • 2020 and 10 Years Time

    Coming into 2020 I spent a lot of time reflecting on the last 10 years of my life. I remembered that when I was 18 years old I had my life planned out. I would meet my future husband, I would be married by 23, I would have my own home, I would have my first child by 25 (of which I would have 3), and I would have the career of my choosing (which at the time (18) was a writer, although in high school I had wanted to be a voice actor and later a chef). However in the last ten years I have achieved none of that. I am as single as it gets, I do not have my own home (I live at home with my parents), I have no children, I am not a professional writer/author (I also never became a chef or got into voice acting)

    I guess in comparison of what I had expected to be as opposed to what is, it appears as though I failed. That however is far from the truth. In ten years I worked retail which opened the door for me to become a csr/mtm of a bank, I became an Aunt and have shared so many fun times with my now 10 year old niece, I started a women’s ministry page called Woman of God (in which I have written many articles) I’ve had opportunities to travel to places like New York to see a Broadway show and Radio City Music Hall for a concert, Seattle Washington for Comic Con as well as go to Longwood Gardens, I’ve met a lot of people (including Tom Hiddleston, Adam Young, Charlie Cox, and Hunter Hayes), I’ve tried new things such as archery and axe throwing, I learned that I could make the people closest to me laugh by doing impressions of movie characters, and I could make great memories with family cooking dinners. In 10 years I didn’t achieve the things I thought I would have when I was 18 years old, instead my life thus far has turned out completely different than I expected it would by 28. But in that I achieved dreams I didn’t know existed and I grew as a person and because of that I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I guess it’s true in the words of John Lennon “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

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  • What I Imagined

    I remember when I was younger I knew exactly how my life was going to go. I was going to meet my future husband some time in high school, we’d be married by 23, have children by 25, I’d be a stay at home mom, and my husband and I would live across the street from my parents in a two story house with a nice yard and a dog. Yup, when I looked at my life in the future this is what it was going to look like. However I learned that life doesn’t always go the way we plan. When I was 13 I made a purity promise to wait for my husband and at 16 I picked out a purity ring I would wear. I spent a few weeks picking out the ring so I could get it for my 16th birthday.

    At the time while I put a lot of thought into the ring knowing this promise was very important to me, I didn’t think I’d be wearing it passed 23. As I said before I’d be married by 23 of course so the longest I’d be wearing it would be 7 years because who knows I could be married by 20 or even 21. At 16 years old I was told I could date, surely God was going to send me my knight in shining armor soon…however I didn’t end up dating, not just at 16 but years after. I just couldn’t seem to find anyone I could see myself marrying and I didn’t want to date just to date. Not to say I didn’t have crushes, there were guys I liked but the feelings never seemed to be mutual. As 23 approached I realized I would not be getting married by 23 and so I decided I should change my timeline a bit. Instead of being married by 23 I’d be married by 25 and therefore would have children by 27. Surely God would bring someone to me in that time….Lets fast forward a bit. Current day I am still living at home, I am not in a relationship, I am not married, I have no one in my life that I feel I would date and you guessed it… in four months I will be 27 years old.

    My life did not turn out so far anything like my younger self had imagined and while some might think this is a bad thing I have found that as per usual God knew and continues to know what He is doing. In the years that I imagined myself to be married I learned so much about myself and about God. I learned that the guys I thought I wanted to date were in fact not for me. We would have never worked in a relationship or a marriage with who I am today and even who some of them are today. I have grown as a person in so many ways. God has shown me the importance of trusting Him even when we can’t see what’s happening or when things don’t look like we think they should. I learned patience as well as life skills like budgeting and finances. I learned just how long I’m willing to wait for my future husband (as long as it takes) and what type of man I will need him to be so we can have a future together. I learned what type of woman God wants me to be and what I’ll need to be for my future husband. I learned that at 23 I wasn’t ready to be married and still at 25 not ready to be married and a parent. I learned that what we want sometimes and what we need are not always the same thing. I learned that the person God wants us to be to help others is not always what we would have chosen for ourselves but in the long run it is the best thing for ourselves and the people we meet.

    So what does my time of singleness look like? A bit like this….God has shown me the book of Ruth over and over. I’ve read it multiple times over the last year or so. Some of the things He showed me about Ruth was that Ruth wasn’t looking for a husband when she left her home. Ruth was serving God, helping her mother-in-law Naomi, and Ruth was working very hard. What we know of Ruth is that she was faithful, loyal, hard working, diligently serving God. We know that the person she became because of the circumstances in her life was far from the woman she was in Moab and it shaped her into the woman that Boaz would love and need by his side. The Bible says she happened upon a field that belonged to Boaz. She wasn’t looking for a man but for work and her faithfulness to God brought her to the place where she was ready for the blessing He had for her. Ruth’s life didn’t look like she planned I’m sure but it ended up being the best thing for her. I have learned in my time of singleness to trust God, to work hard, to help my family and to seek Him and grow in Him.

    I’ve been blessed in so many other ways over the years. I have been on adventures and grown so much. I have not given up on wanting to be married and have my own family. I pray for my future husband and ask God to guide him in his everyday life without me. Maybe one day God will allow me to happen upon my Boaz’s field maybe there isn’t one for me, I don’t know but what I do know is that God is faithful, His will is best for me, and He has given me a life that is truly blessed regardless of the fact that it looks different than I thought it would. I will not be married by 27 and most likely 28 and that’s ok. His timing is better than mine.

    If you are a younger woman or an older woman and you are waiting for your future husband and you are feeling discouraged that you haven’t met him yet I urge you to pray and seek God. Ask God what it is that He would have you do in this season of singleness. Ask God what His will is for your life and ask Him to help you stay strong in your promise to your future husband. I can’t promise you that God has someone for you and I can’t promise that if He does they will come into your life soon but I can promise you that God knows what He’s doing. God’s will is always better, He loves you and has great things for you. Never forget that.

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